I love my children more than I can ever say. They have always been the sources of my greatest pride and purpose. I honestly have very little to show for my life were it not for them. I have always thought that the one thing I have done right throughout the years was to teach them well the basic lessons of life. Now, as I watch their lives unravel, I realize I have been kidding myself all these years. What I actually taught them was worse than nothing. I know now that "what you see is what you get", bears more fruit than "read my lips". What they learned growing up, both consciously and by rote, has now manifested in their adult lives. When I said truth, they saw lies. When I said trust, they viewed deceit. When I said faithfulness, they witnessed infidelity. Forget concepts like integrity, devotion, commitment. Those are just words they heard. What they saw was self indulgence, narcissism and piety. The choices I made became the lessons they learned. Unfortunately for them, they never learned the lesson of consequence. I took it for granted that they could see that too. I assumed they could see all the pain I caused. I was wrong again.
I don't talk to my kids much lately. Their lives have taken a direction that has my guts twisted in a knot. Besides, anything I want to say to them wouldn't make them very happy. Nothing I could say would change what they think or undo the choices they have made. I don't think they want to hear how much I love their spouses and their children. Or how proud I have been of how hard they have worked and what they have made of their lives. I don't think they want to know how much my heart aches or how easily I cry these days. So I guess I'll just keep praying for them and hope God will show them his grace. I still love my children more than I can ever say.